i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
