dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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