I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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