She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
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We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
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Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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