Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
