i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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