I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
