we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
