Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
