I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So vagazzling was a success
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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