I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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