Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
