You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
