he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
