ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
