he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
