We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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