Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
