I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We smell like vodka and hangover
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