I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
