Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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