my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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