Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
