you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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