i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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