Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
