At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
