It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
