I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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