She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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