He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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