Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
