It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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