if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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