So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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