There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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