I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
