we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
