When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
