rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
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i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
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Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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