I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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