Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize