you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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