Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
