dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
