Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
