that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
