drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
