my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
