apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
