Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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