You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
