i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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