my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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