I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
