So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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