i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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