I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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