My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
