The maid of honor just puked.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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