So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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