so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
