wat bout pragnant strippers??
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
