I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
