I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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