Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
