I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
