Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
