So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
