you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
