I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
