he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
