This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
