I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
