totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize