I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
