MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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