Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
