i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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