Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize