i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
