he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
