i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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